"....and now I am a Man" within the Indian Lands.

I was 14, and all things awkward. Long legs, glasses, and long hair that frequently I tugged at...
I still remember sitting in a crowded small room below the sanctuary listening to my Uncle share about the Lord and then passing out worksheets with lyrics on it to play some musical game- a mixer of sorts. I was off beat the entire time we played frisbee baseball, and remembered focusing to long on the mountains that loomed in the background, and wasn't even sure if I was the one to be guarding third base or second...When we started the 16 hour drive back to Texas and the coast I looked back at mountains in the rearview and met my Father's brown eyes, one brow up, and then I saw his lips were actually moving, "Turn it down back there kiddo, too loud." I fumbled over the CD player and moved it not even a notch lower and then buried head in the pillow to drown out the bass and allow myself to continue to cause my ears to ache. Those summer trips each year are what birthed my love of music and helped shed the clouds of being lost.

I took the CD from my Uncles church and it wasn't the song they used that impressed me after all, intact, it was unlikely that I even would like the band but some how it was in my hands, and then my head, and now my heart. It was of surrender. I turned off my rap, put away my Offspring case and squirmed under the pillow as tears welled in my eyes listening again to the same song a about a dozen times on repeat...

"still too loud kiddo" My father barked from the front. This time I moved the volume down and laid belly down on the grey lined seats and stared out the window at the piercing blue sky, suddenly it was flat all around and as I stretched my palm up and touched the pane, I knew from the feel that we were back in Texas, oh the heat. I remember sighing...and that surrender wasn't far off this time.

************************************************************************
The Waiting
If I raise my hands just lift the shade
Will I reveal a sky heavy and gray?
Will last night be a memory sweetly fading?
How I hate a morning starting out this way
On these lonely raging mornings I would whip you if I could
But Your on the mighty side of strong and the perfect side of good

If I raise my hands will you grab me by the wrists
And will you try to pull me from the fray?
And even if my fingers join together into fists
Will you hold me firmly anyway?
'Cause I would try to escape you but for everyday I'm sure
That You're on the huge side of big and the hly side of pure

Ok, hear what I say
As I raise my hands and surrender today
Ok, here I will stay
Hands in the air, singing have Thine own way

If I raise my hands so weak and thin and frail
Will you reveal the light of mercy in your eyes?
If I cry to you faintly will my feeble whispers fail
Or will it find its way to a reply?
'Cause now that I'm exhausted I think I'm ready to admit
That I've spent all my resistance on someone I can't resist

Ok, hear what I say
As I raise my hands, in surrender today
Ok, here I will stay
Hands in the air singing have Thine own way

Light from my window sill make my way to the door
I hang my head and still I know your wanting more
Over the threshold now I move across the yard
Although my will allows my every step is hard
Now in the garden I carve out six feet of space
There make my will comply lie down upon my face
Been toe to toe to long I'm tired of fighting You
I see You were to strong, 'cause I am black and blue
But now I understand that losers do to win
How every dying man is sure to rise again
So I rasie my left hand one I raise my right hand two
Under the morning sun, my spirit cries to You

Ok, hear what I say
As I raise my hands in surrender today
Right here under the sun
Hands in the air singing Thy will be done
I'm here under the sun
Hands in the air singing Thy will be done
Ok, here I will stay
Hands in the air, singing have Thine own way
Have thine own way
*********************************************************************************